In the sixth episode of The Southern Extension, This Is Not A Game, I discuss the unexpected pressure, questions and other reactions that came after Dweller On The Boundary. I thought I was prepared for them, but I was mistaken. My life became a game to some readers and I never imagined that perspective.
I became disillusioned, hurt and angry. It gave me pause from sharing some stories in Terminal Wake and Uncivil X. I wrote Dweller On The Boundary without fear, but fear taunted as I published the next two books. It meant that I could not write as honestly and fearlessly as I wanted.
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| A postcard sent to me in 1985. |
It meant that some stories, Two Raindrops, could never be published because of the questions that would follow and the potential that an identity would be revealed. The censored postcard above is part of that story and it leaves a gaping hole in the overall story that I wanted to write. I had shared the postcard before, censored then too, before on social media. I had wanted to share that story, but after the fallout from my first novel, I cannot.
I wanted people to know what I wanted to tell them, but some wanted to take too much from me behind the scenes. This is why I am not likely to write about the second half of the 1990s too.
The song that relates to this episode is Billy Joel's Pressure from 1982. I was nine when this song was released and I remember watching the video on television. I liked the song as I did with much of Billy Joel's music, but the driving beat and synthesizers had an ominous quality and kind of scared me. The boy in the video, probably the same age as me, reminded me of a younger version of Robin.
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Episode Six, This Is Not A Game
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